Rowan's Guide
/Bellevue Hospital 6:30 pm
“How is he today doc?,” Corey asks as he enters the room, box of chicken nuggets in hand slurping on a gigantic mango explosion smoothie. “Vitals are great...the episodes seem to have stopped”, Dr. Sanjay replies turning towards the smell of grease and giving the man a discerning look. “ I see you’ve taken my advice to bring things that his senses might pick up and react to,” the doctor adds as he continues to jot down the results of today’s vital readings.” “ His love for these things is unnatural... why not see if it’s enough to help him fight out the state he’s currently in,” Corey answers whilst looking over the bed in hopes that it would wake him. “ Well... keep at it and hopefully he wakes soon. It has only been 48 hrs so we’ll keep monitoring.” the doctor states in a reassuring tone. “ shall i leave you with him then...yes” “ Thanks again Doc!” Corey responds as he walks toward the bed of a comatose Micah. “ Come on man, wake up, we need you out here. At least for these,” Corey exclaims while waving a nugget on Micah’s face as if he were dangling meat in front of predator daring it to pounce. “He’s makin faces. What could he possibly be thinking about?” Corey thinks as he stares at Micah’s grimace.
The absence of sound vaguely dissipating...unaware of what he is seeing. Micah sees himself in a fairly dark room. Why am i backstage? He thinks... the door opens and corey enters
Corey: “You sure you wanna do this?”
Micah: “Everyone wants to know the man behind the books and the stories. I think it's time... Don’t you think?”
Corey: “No! That’s exactly what i said when you first brought it up. I remember saying “fuck no” actually
Micah: “Oh yeah... You did… I know your worried but do you hear the crowd. Listen to that presentation.”
From a far distance we can hear the host saying “please put your hands and feet together, bang if you have to... MICAH SIN.”
Micah: “You hear that brother… It’s always good to be honest with the world.”
Why did i say that? Micah thinks again... Still unable to grasp the situation. What is this even about?
Corey: “You’ve shared yourself with the world. You can’t keep giving more.”
Micah: “Thanks big C, you’ve always looked out for me and protected me but i must do this!”
As he walks toward the crowd and waves, he cannot help but smile. Recollecting a time when people did not cheer nor praise him. How humbling is this feeling? How positive this must fell. To be loved by people who genuinely wants to know about him, and to see the happiness he has brought them being manifested and reciprocated. He seats on the couch and looks at the interviewer. The room goes quiet but he can sense how anxious everyone is…all ready to listen to the interaction and what he has to say.
Interviewer: “Micah, how do we begin?”
Micah: “I don’t know...Err.. you ask the questions and i answer”
They both laugh and so does the crowd
Interviewer: “Sounds…hmm… about right!”
The crowd goes back attentively awaiting for the exchange.
Interviewer: “ The goal of this interview is to do something we’ve never done before. It's for you to tell us who you are? I mean... truly, to know who you’ve become and if you proud of the man in the mirror ”
Micah: “Yes...I’m ready…let’s go.”
Brief moment of silence as they both stare each other down.
Interviewer: “As a reader... you’ve made us laugh, smile, cry, and we’ve fallen in love with so many of your characters. You once said family is a choice regardless if you are born with one.” I’ve always thought it was interesting to say the least. “what did you mean by that remark?”
Micah: “ What a complex subject?! If not... the most complex topic...Family
Interviewer: * smiles awaiting for Micah’s response
Micah: “ The people who brings you the most joy are also the same people that hurts you the most. At very young age i learned that blood is not thicker than water. Any chef can tell you the use of water and oil are not so different if you know what you need them for. I’ve always been fortunate enough to make that kind of distinction, and have been able to meet people that i genuinely wanted to have in my life and those whom effortlessly were cut off from mine.”
Interviewer: “ Is it safe to say that you did not like the ones God gave you… and you chose to replace them?”
Micah’s laid back demeanor changed as he understood this exchange is much deeper than just any ole interview. He grasps the seriousness of the exchange and quickly understanding that these answers must to be thought out and cautiously expressed.
Micah: “You’re not wrong for assuming as much but i disagree in your conclusion. I am very happy with the ones that God initially gave me… that loves me... i was fortunate enough to be able to find people that could show me real love in comparison to quote on quote blood relatives. Isn’t that what everyone want? To find love from those willing to genuinely give it.”
He turns towards the crowd and states it directly to them for a reaction. The crowd claps in agreement to his statement but he can sense the interviewer gazing in disappointment and not accepting the answer
Interviewer: “Care to elaborate on that notion… WHY IS FAMILY TO YOU A CHOICE?”
He takes a deep breath, and looks over by the curtains to see Big C mouthing “the world does not deserve to know you like that.” As that breath end... Micah thinks to himself “Honesty is the best policy. Every man should ad shall one day walk in their truth.” He begins to share what made the person everyone sees today.
Micah: “When i was 8... i remember my father leaving me at my half-sister’s place to run errands or whatever he had planned that particular day. I cannot recall actually acting up but one thing stuck with me that day. Her mother out of anger for my father walk in the kitchen where I stood in front of the microwave eagerly counting down the seconds until my cheesy-bacon hot pocket to finish cooking. Forcibly turns me to her placing a knife to my throat and says ever so gently… si se pat pou pitit mwen, mwen manje’w la. Translation, if it wasn’t for my child... i would kill you.”
The crowd gasps in shock
“I like to think about that day just so i can fully understand how does someone reach the level to desire the death of a child. Does the sin of the father automatically fall on the son? Does she truly hate the thought that my father having me being that repulsing? How can anyone be so calm after holding a knife to someone’s throat?”
Interviewer: “I can only imagine how traumatizing that experience was for you. A person like that was never family.”
Micah: “I disagree once again... If you’re father stays with someone they have a child with, it is safe to say that at some point you will end up being around said person. Isn’t that person part the family now? Let’s take it a step further. You’re father has a child with a person, whom is older than you. Maybe you are imposing on their family. Possibly... my existence ruined her happily ever after”
The interviewer nods which expressed he understood the point. The crowd still in shock of the memory. Micah can see the dazzle in their eyes, the need to know more, and their empathy. People are fascinated with the lives of the celebrity. Maybe it's our way of figuring out why they couldn’t come up with those ideas that made those celebrities famous in the first place. They yearn for that life regardless of the pains that those people are experiencing everyday. We are probably all selfish and only care about our individual success stories. Deeply wishing we had their success and not realising that entails taking success from someone else and their families.
Interviewer: “One traumatizing experience could not have brought this mindset. Did it?”
Micah: “It sparked the idea. To choose whom you allow to be around you, regardless of their status in your life.
Interviewer: “ fascinating concept” He turns and engage the crowd.
Micah: “Let me ask you all this. What is the role of a godfather?”
Interviewer: “ i don’t think you understand how an interview works?”
The crowd laughs as the interviewer fixes himself in the chair.
Micah: “Just like you said, this is an unconventional interview. Let’s be push the envelope.”
Interviewer: “Well hmm...to answer your question, i will say that they are a second father to a child. Pick up the pieces when the child’s father is absent. Make sure a father’s love is never absent.”
The crowd is moved by the response and so was Micah. Well said by the interviewer he thinks
Micah: “ Some godfathers never seem to have gotten the memo. Did not, could not, simply never tried or wanted to take on that role.”
Interviewer: “In what sense?”
Micah: “My father passed when i was young… I truly believe that is the perfect time to put that role in action. Shower me with love. Show me that my father still lives within you and make me closer to the family. The opposite happened in my case. I cannot love a people that i do not know. My mother tried to create a relationship with them but it just felt as if she was kissing their asses and it bothered me so much at first. The craziest part for me is my grandmother. She lost a son and chose to lose a grandson in the same instance. I find it a bit disheartening. I grew up understanding that i was not needed nor wanted by them, and never resented anyone of them for it. There’s a lot of things that children see from adults…their actions that makes us vouch to never turn out like them.”
Interviewer: “What are some of those things that you vowed to never duplicate?”
Micah: “ i grew closer to poverty than middle class. But my mother worked hard, 2-3 jobs just to make sure i was never in need... and even for my wants i never asked. I’ve seen what struggle looks like and would never dare to make my mother work any harder. I’m not saying i needed a hand out, I know the man have his own children to raise and fend for. So i’m not mad at what they have. It’s a bit unsettling to see him prosper after his death and can’t help but wonder about the coincidence.
Interviewer: “ Are you calling him an opportunist or a thief?”
Micah: “Neither... i do believe in being innocent ‘till proven guilty. But…you know… showing gratitude by making sure your brother’s children were a bit more comfortable would’ve been the best way to honour his memory.”
Interviewer: “Do you want to know?”
Micah: “I don’t. I did fairly well for myself and my family. I could care less if i was robbed of my inheritance. I know for a fact no one is robbing my children of theirs.”
Interviewer: “ Amazing! The man and the living legend everyone . We’re taking a short break. Stay tune. You don’t want to miss any of this.”
What is going on… why is dark again? Micah trying to process what just happened. Everything goes dark and then nothing...that absence of noise sets in
Bellevue Hospital 8:22 pm
“Nurse! Help! Someone get a doctor in hear. Oh my... I think his seizing.” Corey yells out holding the back of head helplessly watching Micah’s body frantically shake and slightly foaming at the mouth. Dr Sanjay runs into the room and others the nurses to hold Micah down. He checks the vitals, eyes still reactive to light, airway still open, nothing abnormal is being shown. “I need an orphenadrine shot stat.” The doctor yells as he takes over in holding down Micah. The nurse injects the muscle relaxer in the IV pouch and the reaction is almost immediate. Micah’s body relaxes and so does Corey’s fear. “ We’ll run some tests and do an MRI. We just have to be patient and wait for him to wake up now.” Dr. Sanjay explained to Corey as he watches the stress dissipates from Corey’s face. “ Look...he’s calmed down and he is already looking better. Let’s just let him rest. You should go home tonight and sleep in your own bed.” Dr.Sanjay instructs. “Everything is under control and the nurses will notify you ASAP if anything changes.” The good doctor adds as he wishes him a goodnight. Corey nods in reply, given the doctor the sense that he will not follow as instructed. A few minutes later, Corey gets up, puts on his jacket and walk towards the bed. “ Going to get a coffee now…a double macchiato, a scone maybe… and please, don’t do anything crazy. Except...waking up… See you in a few.” Corey announces as he gives him a light pound on the shoulder, then exits the room.
The lights turns on and the Micah seems to be able to see, and sees himself back on stage...What is this? He thinks faking a smile on his face
Interviewer: “ Welcome back to the Rowan Show! And, we have Micah Sin with us and what a conversation this has been. Let’s tackle it all.” ….. “How are we feeling right now?”
Micah: “I’m great… And this crowd is amazing. I feel at home.” Still processing the moment.
The crowd roars in excitement and anticipation
Interviewer: “We’ve seen many of your movies, television show, and plays. Your views on relationships have always been interesting to me. “You’re views are always blunt and unrealistic at times. Love is never that easy and honest. Why do you say otherwise?”
Micah laughs and chokes a little bit on the water that he just poured for himself. The word Interesting at times are what people say when they do not wish to bluntly dismiss your views. The crowd chimes in with a very subtle”ooooooouuuuuuuhhhhhh”
Micah: “Why isn’t it? I’ve expressed it time and time again that living in your truth keeps the B.S (bullshit) away. What is there to fear... if the person knows me? Where can i go wrong if i tell you what is wrong and how i would’ve preferred it handled? Love only hurts when it is no longer present in your life. Love… itself is the easiest thing you can ever accept.”
He turns to the crowd and asks them “ ask yourselves… the last time you actually had to work to feel in love. You just are. You’ve only questioned if you care for a person enough to see where it could go but you never question love. You just feel love…exhume love.” An “Awwwww” Micah receives from the crowd. The perfect response he was looking for How will he respond Micah thinks. The interviewer smirks and adjusting himself in the seat.
Interviewer: “ Where does the confidence come from? Most men still have a fear to approach women without looking desperate or creepy as some say. Were you ever that shy at some point?”
Not the reaction Micah anticipated. Instead... feels that he might be losing the crowd once again. Perception in this interview is key and the crowd is the answer. If i am to get out of this unscathed i need to win all exchanges. This is more than just a mere reflection piece. It is now a legacy piece. I must win.
Micah: “Everyone at a young age were shy. At that time we were not cognitive enough to respond and interact with others. All we’ve ever known were mommy and daddy, and our siblings… if we have any. Every now and again we’ll go through the experience of our parents wanting us to say hello to this so called auntie that we do not remember and they always give the wettest/nastiest kiss ever. And in my case i had this one great-aunt that would bite after a kiss. I was so scared every time I had to say hello.”
The crowd laughs...
“ You had to learn to interact with family. All those times when you were told to play nice, share your toys, and hug. All learned behaviour. So, yes... i was shy at some point in time. I have a sister and i love her very much. She is the reason why i stopped being shy towards girls. Thank You! Micah say as he he points to one of the cameras. At the age of 5 my sister spanked my scrawny little butt. I mean jabs, crosses, uppercuts type of ass whooping. Did i deserve this beat down? Hell yeah… Why? simply because i did not know how to approach my sister for what i wanted. So moving forward i understood that if you come with proper intentions, you should be just fine with any woman.”
The crowd laughs and Micah can see him laugh at a child coming to such basic conclusions.
Interviewer: “ Why aren’t you afraid of rejection? Most men still are. Can you explain where that fearlessness stems from?”
As Micah look trying to come up with what he could possibly answer to gain an upper-hand. He faces the crowd and ask “What is the worst thing any woman can possibly say? The crowd responds “No”
Micah: “Exactly! If i already know the worst case scenario... what is there to fear?! Now… how she says no is what truly hurts. fifteen- year-old me on a saturday afternoon hanging out with the guys having a laugh and discussing one of the only 4 things men ever talk about; sports, cars, money, and girls. A sunny day, they are all sitted on a broken stoop, yankee fitted caps on to stop the beaming sun on their eyes, gulping down their fifty cents Tropical Fantasy bottles, all laughing without a care in the world. I see this girl... i’ve been eyeing her for god knows how long. I wait until she gets a bit of a distance between the house and i chase after her. Yes, i was afraid she would turn me down in front of my guys. I finally catch up to her and came correct, “Hi... i’m sorry to bother you but i finally got the courage to step to you. God can only give so many chances. I just wanted to know… if maybe… i could get to know you and hopefully take you out sometime.”
The oohs and ahs in admiration to the pick up line. “ right” Micah comments in agreement with the crowd. “ Where did i go wrong?” He adds. Now engaging with the crowd, Micah asks, “ You guys want to know what happened next.” “Yes” the crowds roars. He waves, signaling them to settle down.
“All i hear is her bursting into laughter... She then walks maybe a few meters from me then turns around laughs some more and says ‘you thought’ , and continues walking.”
“Oooooohhhhhh” the crowd exclaims.
“ Now...after something like that right, all fear goes away. Who can beat that? I’m still waiting on a woman that can humiliate me like she did. She was beyond her years i must say when it came to turning a guy down” Micah laughs.
Interviewer: “Do you believe that is what made you confident enough to be able to quote on quote Shoot your shot? Sounds like a very traumatizing experience that should make someone very skeptical when it comes to approaching women. It seems the opposite occurred for you”
Micah: “I think that’s how life works for some people. What don’t kill you makes you stronger… right!. I learned in that moment that life comes with rejections and how you handle it is what shapes you in the future. It was a harsh way to plainly tell someone “I am so flattered to have you shown interest in me but i do not feel the same way. Thank you but no thank you.” But how she acted is how she felt she needed to react to my advance. I took it as what is was… NO. Opportunities are build-ups from yes’ and working despite the No’s.”
Interviewer: “Why do you think she reacted in that manner?”
Micah: “I will never know… we will have to ask her. I don’t know how she felt. Maybe i was too short... maybe i came off too strong... maybe i wasn’t attractive enough... maybe i was the 100th guy that hit on her that day and I was the straw that broke he camel’s back... maybe hurt-people hurt people. Too many possibilities to think of without her actual input… Cannot say.”
Interviewer: “Do you find that maybe the men are responsible for how women react to men with good intentions?”
Micah felt the set up immediately. With a majority female crowd… how you express yourself is a defining moment. Proceed with the sense of being uneducated enough to have an input Micah thinks. It’s difficult to not answer without taking accountability of your own mistakes/actions. Is it the best move to say something that can be misconstrued as sexist, misogynistic, even worst trying to be the face of women empowerment as a man.
Micah: “ This topic is extremely difficult to assess because people can argue both sides to this. Men are, some, not all suffer from toxic masculinity. Education also takes precedence to ones reaction. Even at my age, i am trying to understand the limits of courtship.”
Interviewer: “Interesting view... are you saying men are to blame or women?”
Micah: “All i am saying is… both sides can be argued and i believe someone who is well-versed in that field and with their expertises is more suited to dive deeper on whom the blames lies. It’s more appropriate… I find.. that way.”
No not again. What is going on? Dead silence and darkness...
END OF PART 1
TO BE CONTINUED…